I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
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