he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
