turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
