I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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