dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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