She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Come on in and take your pants off
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