Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
