Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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