I accidentally burped into my bong.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize