I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
