you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize