i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
