I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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