You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
