We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
