I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize