Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
