Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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