I understand why you refuse to be sober now
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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