Just cropdusted the office
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
