The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
