this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
