that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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