I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
