he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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