I'm so fucking centered right now
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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