Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
