You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
