Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
