Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
