i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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