I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
