everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
