i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
