My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
