Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize