dude i'm inner monologue high
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
