this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
