I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize