so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You made out with two different species that night
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
