im drinking this country out of the recession.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
