Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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