i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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