I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
