I can't watch pbs sober anymore
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
