so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
