Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
