I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
