Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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