Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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