who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
