I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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