Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
