she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize