I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
