You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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