what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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