You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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