Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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