Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize