Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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