Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
