do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Randomize
