Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize