Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
