Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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