Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
