News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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