dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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