make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
