she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
