drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
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