Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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