Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize