So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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