I'm lost and stupid without you.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Randomize
