Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
