fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
