I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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