just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
