please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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