She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
