got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
