Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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