Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize